Beyond the Labels: How True Healing Begins When We Stop Living in Boxes
Beyond the Labels: Why True Healing Requires Becoming No One, No Thing, No Time
How often are you asked: Who are you? What is your name? Where are you from? What do you do? Where do you see yourself in five years?
While all these questions may seem “normal,” intended to get to know someone, they inevitably lead us into categorization. They invite us to place people into boxes in order to “figure them out.”
We think: if I can figure them out, then I will be able to interact with them in a safer way. I will be able to understand them. I will be more capable of deducing what meaning they have in relationship to who I think I am.
These questions force us into labels and boxes. These questions make us addicted to fitting everyone we meet into these labels and boxes, as well.
The Trap of Labels and Boxes
Labels and boxes do serve a function: they help the mind send messages to the nervous system based on past programming. For example, for some people, if you fall into the category of “man,” their nervous system slides down a pathway of “be on alert.” For others, if you carry the label of “Republican” or “Democrat,” their mind immediately cues the defense system: “put your guard up.”
Labels are not neutral; they are separators, dividers. They distance us. They lead us to believe we are unsafe, in lack, or out of control.
And yet, at our core essence, no human being craves distance. What we truly long for is connection.
That’s why I am here to say: True healing and transformation can only happen when we step beyond labels and boxes — into being.
Why We Cling to Labels
Culture wants us to listen to the messages of our labels so we consume more to excel further in our label: buy this gym membership, that outfit, this certification, that supplement. Family pressures us to stay safe, successful, and satisfied: climb the ladder, get the title, make the money, build the security. But the strongest force is the self-applied pressure… the kind we put on ourselves: the endless striving to improve within the walls of our identity box — in the continuous loop of our mind.
Why do we cling so tightly to these labels? Because labels feel safe. They give certainty. They calm the nervous system when life feels unpredictable. They give us something to hold onto: a proof of worth, a sense of belonging, a way to be seen. They soothe the inner child’s core needs for safety and connection. Like the way a child attaches to their mother and father. Labels give us something else to attach to.
Attach.
They give us something to attach to — cling to — hold onto to prove our worth… to try to be seen… in hopes to belong… in effort to remain safe. They support all the inner child’s core needs. So, no wonder we attach to these words that “define” us after all.
But the issue is this: labels limit us, and not just because we are confined to the limits of language. It is deeper than that. If I’m always the “anxious one, the successful one, or the broken one”… Can I ever be anything else?
Our psychological system becomes addicted to the energy of these labels. We only come to know ourselves through the lens of where these labels have led us: to the pain or to the pleasure. Our psychological system wires into them. Neural pathways groove so deeply into our identities that it becomes almost impossible to see ourselves through a different lens…
Or can i go as far as saying… no lens at all?
The Psychology of Identity
Yet, if we give an applause to something, we have to acknowledge that the brain does its job: it processes, filters, categorizes. This keeps us alive and efficient. But the same filtering system that organizes information also locks us into identity loops. We like to attach and cling to these filters for a sense of control — to make the intangible, tangible and the chaos, clear — even for just a moment.
As Erik Erikson says in the Identity Theory: “If a person has not developed a sense of identity, he or she will experience confusion about their role in life.”
Many people in this life complain with feeling “stuck” — stuck in these loops because they don’t know how to operate in their myriad of roles. So, like Erik Erikson says, identities are important and roles help us establish clear direction. Yet, when identity is rigid or externally prescribed, it traps us in past stories. Loosening these stories reduces anxiety and depression by freeing us from fixed self-concepts. If someone is feeling lost, they often grip to the attachment of their labels to stay afloat but then find themselves weighed down by the pressures of how to be everything, all at once. They find themselves confused with who to be. “Who am I?”
Nonetheless, after so much time living the same neural patterns of our labels, we are constantly living based on our past experiences and the past stories. We are living the now based on the filter of our past. Stuck in cycles of the past, we are unable to imagine something new.
Psychologists call this schema reinforcement — when old patterns of thought and belief keep dictating the future. But neuroscience also shows us: the brain can rewire. New thoughts, new experiences, and new states of being create new neural pathways.
Labels in Relationships: Boxes That Keep Us From True Connection
Labels don’t just confine who we believe ourselves to be — they also confine how we relate to others.
When we place people into categories — partner, friend, parent, boss, “the anxious one,” “the avoidant one,” “the overachiever” — we stop seeing them. Instead, we interact with the label. The relationship becomes filtered through expectation, past experience, and judgment, rather than through presence.
No wonder we all feel unseen and misunderstood.
This is why so many relationships feel stuck in the same cycles. When we label our partner as “distant,” we unconsciously look for evidence that proves the label right. When we label ourselves as “needy,” we shrink or apologize instead of voicing our needs. The label becomes the story, and the relationship (and maybe all the past relationships, too) plays out in the same loops and patterns again and again. What we look for, we will find. If we are looking for data to show us they are untrustworthy, we will find it. If we look for proof that they love us and are dedicated to this relationship, we will see it.
Psychology calls this confirmation bias — our brain’s tendency to notice and remember information that confirms what we already believe. In relationships, confirmation bias reinforces our labels, blinding us to anything that doesn’t fit the story. Over time, we relate not to the person in front of us, but to the box we’ve placed them in.
Attachment research shows something similar. When we label ourselves as “anxious” or “avoidant,” we risk freezing our identity inside that category. But attachment science also teaches that these patterns are not fixed — they are adaptive strategies the nervous system developed to keep us safe. Labels make them feel permanent (because the power of language has that finite effect), but in truth, attachment styles are fluid and can shift when we practice presence, regulation, and secure connection.
It is a myth to think we have “anxious attachment.” When in fact:
“Attachment changes based on the person on the other side of the table.” -Rachel Jackson, MA MFT
When we begin to drop the labels, something profound happens. We see our partner not as “the avoidant one,” but as a human being with a nervous system seeking safety, just like us. A person having a moment… because they love us. We see ourselves not as “the needy one,” but as someone longing for love, which is the most natural desire we can have. We can finally validate and have compassion versus shame ourselves.
This is where real intimacy unfolds. When labels dissolve, curiosity, compassion, and authentic relating can take their place.
From Head to Body
For true healthy, secure relationship, we need embodiment and for embodiment, we need healing. So, what I’m saying is we all are invited into deeper healing if we want truly meaningful, secure relationship.
Nonetheless, back to what I was saying… healing requires embodiment: not through more thinking, but through true integration.
Embodiment doesn’t mean over-identifying with the body. It means allowing the energy of labels, the emotions tied to them, and the pain they created to finally move. To move up and out, down and through. Embodiment to me means one is integrated.
You cannot intellectualize your way into transformation. You must feel your way there. You must allow the body to release the energy of the past, to de-identify from who you thought you were. The idea is to explore your truth beyond your labels. Instead of living in the future: intellectualizing your way to get to the next phase of life, attempting to find these step by step playbook, rushing to complete the next to-do list item — you courageously deconstruct your life.
That means feeling all the ways you abandoned yourself, made yourself small, or stuffed down fear in the name of false safety. It means unmasking the illusion of control. It means digging deep for all the suppressed pieces you stuffed down and laying them out on the table to see, feel, and hold (lovingly… finally). It means putting all the pieces back together, yet in a new pattern — without the same pain and without the same stories. Now, you see that these experiences and emotions shaped you but they are not you.
To transmute and transform, the tools are simple: somatic practices, mindfulness, breath. The very things that sustain life also return us to life. They shift us from analyzing to experiencing, from doing to being, from boxed to unboxed, from limited to limitless.
We can’t forget: emotions are energy in motion. You must feel to release. Most importantly, like Bessel Van Der Kolk famously wrote, the body keeps the score. You must feel all the ways you’ve confined yourself, abandoned yourself, made yourself small and stuffed down your fear and attachments in hopes to create the false illusion of safety — to mask the pain of the uncertainty. No matter how much you try to not feel the fear under your labels, the body will remind you. Your body will signal you to wake up.
We try to make it so complicated because the mosaic of our experience of life feels that way — complex. Yet, it really is that simple. You are not the labels that have been placed on you. You are not the boxes that you have then, consciously or subconsciously, efforted to keep cloaked around you to stay safe.
You are not your labels and presence is the medicine.
Becoming No Body, No One, No Thing, No Where, No Time
Joe Dispenza teaches the powerful blend of science and the mystical: transformation comes when we step into the unknown.
Life is uncertain. The unknown is the only certainty we have. So in order to move beyond our blocks and old patterns, we must learn to become “no body, no one, no thing, no where, no time.” When we can be this, we access pure consciousness — a place beyond story and self. This is where we connect with potential and create new realities. It is in that state, we dissolve story and self. We access pure consciousness, the realm of possibility. This is where healing happens.
Listen to Joe Dispenza on the Know Thyself Podcast here.
The Proof in Transformation
Let’s take a look at transformation through the lens of neuroscience, psychology and embodiment research.
Neuroscience shows us, “What fires together, wires together.” If we continue to identify with the labels we attach to, we will wire into them. New neural pathways form when we stop firing the same thoughts. “When we stop rehearsing the past, we stop reliving it.”
Psychology shows us that, “Where attention goes, energy flows.” When we place attention on our labels, the actions we “must” take to grow in these identities, they become hard to detach from. Yet, detaching from an “identity” reduces anxiety and depression by loosening rigid self-concepts. The less rigidity we have about who we are and how we think we have to show up, the more we feel free to just be.
Embodiment research shows us that, “To heal, we must feel… presence is the doorway to safety.” Presence restores regulation and balance. When we get beyond who we think we are, we open up the realm of possibility. We get beyond ourselves and we tap into our true essence — our limitlessness.
Hillary McBride says, “We do not think ourselves into new ways of living, we live ourselves into new ways of thinking.”
Again, to put it simply:
Neuroscience: “What fires together, wires together.” Our repeated thoughts and labels etch neural grooves. When we stop firing the same thoughts, new pathways form.
Psychology: “Where attention goes, energy flows.” Fixating on labels reinforces them. But loosening identity reduces anxiety and depression by freeing us from rigid self-concepts.
Embodiment research: “To heal, we must feel… presence is the doorway to safety.” Presence restores nervous system balance and regulation. Beyond who we think we are, we open to limitless potential.
Healing Through Being
As a society, we are being called to remember:
Healing is not another item on your to-do list.
In a world of achievement and the endless hamster wheel of tasks, it feels more urgent than ever to shift away from this pressure-filled approach. Healing is not about more doing — it is about remembering how to be.
As a world, we are conditioned to think we have to do, do, do. When we start experience “being” — not doing, not fixing, not labeling — we open the doorway to transformation. Being creates spaciousness where healing naturally unfolds because we aren’t living through the filter of the past or the worry of the future.
When we enter states of presence — in meditation, nature, creativity, or flow — with the simple things as our healers: movement, sound, vibration, connection, community, touch, breath, sunshine, rest, nutrients, and love — it is then that labels have the space to dissolve. Peace arises. We realize: we are not our labels. Being creates spaciousness where healing unfolds. It frees us from the filter of the past and the anxiety of the future.
The Discomfort as Our Teacher
While I name the power of being, the power of feeling, the power of getting beyond everything we have conditioned to mask on top of our being-ness… I must name that there can be discomfort in the process of returning to our truth.
Does it have to be grueling? No.
Does it have to be hard? No.
Does it have to be scary? No.
May it feel that way? Yes.
And is that a teacher? Yes.
So often, we turn away from what is hard, scary, or uncomfortable because its been deemed to feel less positive emotionally. We live in a world that encourages us to feel “good” all the time. If we feel bad, we are conditioned to believe that something is “wrong.”
Im here to remind you that as you shed these outdated beliefs, you will come to know all the false illusions you have been fed. You will come to see all the forms of self-betrayal that you saw as “normal.” You will come to feel many of the emotions you didn’t give yourself permission to express in the past.
This, right here, is where secure attachment is birthed — in the void of the past and the fated future. Really, secure attachment is created in the only moment we are guaranteed… this moment… on this breath. It is here where we are invited to integrate all parts of ourselves into one, without: running from them, dimming them, shaming them, hiding from them, hiding them from others, masking them, exacerbating them, numbing them, clinging to them, pitying them, dissociating from them.
Instead, you own all of you as your teacher. You get beyond the past. You detach from what once was. You root into this moment. You create anew.
Secure attachment is built through the resilience that can only be gained by sitting with yourself and being with what is.
If you feel discomfort, let it move through. Instead of creating a to-do list item for what to do to get out of the discomfort, just be.
Now, this is the key to true transformation. This gets you beyond the labels.
Guide to Be: Living Without Labels
Guide to Be creates a safe space to practice presence and “just being.”
After years of being a therapist, I realized healing can’t always happen through traditional methods or prescribed labels. That is why I have moved from “therapist” to an approach that invites you to de-identify with the labels. As I started to step out of the box, I give my clients the permission to do the same. It became really clear to me that healing must happen differently than many are “taught.” Why? Because it can’t be taught. Because labels themselves often inhibit freedom. Diagnoses, attachments, addictions, dysfunctions — these are often just functions of the pain caused by labels. There is no single rule book to follow.
At Guide to Be, the work is not about adding more. It is about letting go. Releasing the clinging. Dropping the outdated wiring. Getting beyond the known. Feeling, purging, and allowing consciousness itself to rise to the surface.
Transformation doesn’t come from defining yourself better. It comes from un-defining yourself completely. Because it is the wiring of this incessant labeling is the “stuck ingredient.”
Together, we remember we lack nothing and are innately worthy. We detach from the engrained wiring. It comes from releasing control of needing to logically make sense of it all and surrendering into the unknown — getting beyond the known.
I believe it is critical to drop into the wisdom of feeling, purging the suppressed expressions, and allowing the true, pure consciousness bubble to the surface to be experienced in totality.
A Call to Step Beyond Identity
If you want to up-level, find peace — finally heal the things you’ve been “trying” so hard to release, step into or transform… I am here alongside you.
I invite you: What labels are you ready to drop?
Practice being no one, no thing, in no time — even for just a few minutes. It may feel difficult at first, because the mind is conditioned to run (for all of us). But when you give yourself even a small taste of pure being, you create space for new experiences to arrive.
Remember: We don’t need more labels to be worthy, loved, accepted, or free. We need space to just be.
If you feel ready to explore Guide to Be’s offerings, ask yourself: What do you want to move beyond? What is no longer serving you?
The Relationship Audit – uncover the blocks keeping you from secure, lasting connection.
The Dating Audit – break free from old patterns and attract relationships aligned with your truth.
The Guide to Be Membership for Perfectionists – release the pressure of “never enough” and learn to embody presence and peace.
The Secure Effect Membership — $7/mo — gain weekly and monthly tips, tricks, and tools for secure attachment, with self, your purpose and those you love — for individuals, singles and those partnered.
These offerings move you from anxiety, high-achievement, and old patterning into true regulated, secure, purposeful living. Together, we walk the path from your outdated blocks that are ready to be seen and then released — leaving you magnetic, confident, and ready for your greatest life filled with love and securely attached relationships from the inside, out.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for sharing your light. Thank you for being alive. If you feel called, please like, comment, or share this with a friend. I would greatly appreciate you spreading the love. May we create a ripple effect of healthy, secure love for more people, everywhere. If we do anything today, let it be that — spreading love. With love, Rachel ♥︎
If you made it all the way to the end, thank you. My heart is in this blog. Please enjoy a full free session, on me. I cannot wait to connect with you.
