I’ve been pondering on THIS for years now.

What do I *actually* believe creates change?

Healing is Relational

After years of undergrad, graduate school, working as a therapist, leaving the traditional therapy field and lot and lots of time deepening my own healing — I believe our shared humanness is our superpower in healing together. Yet even beyond the label of our humanness, we are much more vast than that. It’s our divine interconnected nature that carries us into deep healing and change.

Healing happens in relationship — not in a silo. Though as society has grown to feel fearful of vulnerability as a result of a heightened fear of rejection and abandonment, we feel alone. In many communities around the world, there is a perpetuated loop of feeling like a burden for being — feeling like a burden for desiring interconnection and interdependence — feeling like a burden for craving togetherness… searching but unsure of where to find it.

We need each other. The most powerful healing happens in intimate relationship and in family relationship because there are incredibly powerful ties of vulnerability. When we can create a safe space to express without the tendency to shut down and close, we can heal. It is critical to prioritize this co-creation of safety to ensure all parties shield themselves from re-traumatization or the deeper engraining of past patterning that you desire to be freed from.

Healing is less a result of the external:

🌀it’s not the modalities or tools
🌀it’s not the location we heal in
🌀it’s not the money we can throw at the challenge

While all our life circumstances, tools, accessibility, background of trauma, geographic location, health, generational patterns, ancestral roots, belief systems, socioeconomic status, & relational norms ALL play a roll… We are called to remember the power of relational healing.

The Guide to Be 3 C’s

Relational remembrance brings us back to the innate relationship we have with all things. In order to restore ease back into healing it is critical to come back into right relationship with ourselves and begin focusing our attention back on:

1️⃣ Community
2️⃣ Ceremony
3️⃣ Creation

First — Community: We are not in this alone. We are all interconnected and as a society we can be inter-dependent in a healthy and securely attached way, again. This looks like a process of finding true secure attachment within and inviting people into true co-created connection that honors each individuals needs, wants, story, backgrounds, and prioritized direction. Once we realize we are not on an individualized healing journey, everything will change. When one heals, it creates a ripple effect. So, celebrate the healing all around you. Encourage without judgment for someone’s timing or approach. We are all on our own unique paths, yet, we are all in a collective experience. All humans are their own unique expressions. They think they are walking a path so different because they are their own unique mosaic work of art, comprised of the beauty and pains of their personalized, once-in-a-lifetime experienced molded together. Yet, we are more similar than we think. “We are all just walking each other home.” - Ram Dass

Second — Ceremony: Ceremony and ritual has been rooted in our ancestral roots forever — and for right reason. By coming back to ceremony, we call back our connection to the divine. As we give love, we receive 10 fold. As a society, we have gone far down the road of consumption. This addiction to more keeps us in a mode of lack and of taking, When we take without receiving, we don’t close the loop. The healthy road of consumption (of anything: love, food, resources, nature, sex, money, support) looks like a dynamic dance of give and take, giving and receiving. In ceremony and ritual, the giving and receiving is done in connection with higher power, with ancestral roots, and with the land.

Third — Creation: Creation is nature. We, too, are nature. Externally we have this magical wonder all around us. For some, their eyes and hearts have become closed to all the messages and support that creation provides. Yet, we have the opportunity to wake up and see that we are being invited back into remembering; that same DNA of creation, of earth, is within us. SO… Express. Create. We have stopped being that same manifestation of creation that we are. Self-expression is an area that society is lacking deeply right now and it will be a major key to the revolution of mental health.

A Note for Intimate Relationships

Our intimate relationships illuminate nearly all of our relational wounds/expressions. I will use the word expressions since “wounds” can bring up emotions for many. Our relational expressions get illuminated in intimate relationships because family patterning gets put on a spotlight. You are often asked to get literally and figuratively “naked” with your partner and thus, everything is on stage. All parts of self are asking to be seen in our intimate relationships — making it the best and most alchemical space to transform. IF, and only if, trust and safety is co-created. Healing cannot be one sided just as intimate partnership cannot be a one way street. If you are in an intimate partnership or are attracting one, know that this is a potent space for the deep work for sustainable change to happen if you go into it with: open awareness, willingness to take responsibility, and true honoring of authentic expression.

A Note for Family Relationships

Our familial relationships are the root of most of our patterning. Between the years 0-7, we create many stories about how the world works. Within those years, we are a sponge. What are we seeing most of during those years? Our family and caregivers interactions with each other, with routine, money, spirituality, religion, work, achievement, extended family, food, movement, obligations, values, resources, friendships, emotions, and beyond. When we are a sponge, we take in their operations as truth. Why? Because we know no better. These are relationships that are innately wired to be founded in love and safety. Thus, the initial reaction for a child is to attempt to trust these caregivers and take their expressions as the workings of the world. Nonetheless, if you are looking to change, start to ask the bigger questions about your developmental years. What were your norms? How did it shape the lens you look at the world through? If courageous and if the space is safe, I invite you into this deep inquiry alongside your family members. If you honor your experience and if it can be received by your family members, great emotional release can transpire and blocks can be lifted (almost instantaneously at times). Family is at the core of so much radical change.

TIPS FOR RESTORING EASE INTO YOUR PURSUIT OF CHANGE

To bring us back to what relational change looks like, it is important for me to make the intangible, tangible. If I were to give you tips to support your evolution of change, I would make it as simple as possible. Why? Because, we tend to overcomplicate everything in our world in order to make ourselves feel more accomplished if we “succeed” and “do it right.” It breeds this competitive nature that leads to deep inadequacy, self-criticism and shame. And guess what? These very expressions (inadequacy, self-criticism and shame) are immediate blockers to the healing and change process. You want to heal and change but you fall into a pattern of feeling like you should be farther along? I promise you, change will take 10x longer. You will wind up feeling stuck again.

I call my approach the Get Unstuck Approach for a reason. No self-criticism or shame will be perpetuated here. We identify your core wound and then, this healing space will reflect the opposite of that. We co-create an environment that can prove the cyclical patterns in your life wrong (for good). Once you experience what you have always desired, you become more magnetic to this desired reality being maintained as your baseline new reality. This is called limbic revision through co-resonance with your guide and the past, present, future versions of yourself and nervous system regulation.

Release Self Criticism and Shame Spirals
- Tips:
  - Sticky Notes: Place notes on your fridge or mirror with reminders to shift into your self-empowered mindset
  - Meditate on, Visualize, and Name this self-empowered version of Self: Do they have a different name? What is their persona? What is their daily routine? What relationships are they in? Where do they live? How do they speak?
  - Self Care Plan: Positively reinforce your positive mindset through creating a self-care plan that excites you each week (we need 9 positives to each 1 criticism — so give yourself extra love and boost your energy battery so that you can maintain your empowerment)
Take Inventory of Mind, Body, and Spirit
- Tips:
  - Time in Nature: We deeply regulate within nature if we can turn of the stimulation and noise of technology, work and obligation. If possible, get outdoors with little to no distraction.
  - Healthy Environments & Relationships: Take a “scan” of the environments you spend time in. Are they nourishing your best version of self? If they aren’t making you better, maybe this is a time to withdraw from them (maybe just for a season) in order to reassign this energy investment back into yourself.
  - Move your Body: The soma - the body - is deeply supportive in moving stuck energy in order to promote change. It doesn’t need to be “exercise” — it can be breath, shaking, swaying, walking, stretching — with intention.
  - Rate your Mind, Body, and Spirit (or mental, emotional, spiritual, energetic): My favorite way to take inventory is to give your wellbeing in these areas a score 1-10 or 0-100%. It will help you identify where you can reassign energy to better restore balance.
Reinvest in Community
- Tips:
  - Reach out to Safe- Supportive Connections: Do you have people who you feel safe to be held by emotionally? Prioritize connection with them. Share with them how much you value them. Ask to create a conscious deepening of accountability during a season of desired change. Reminder: We are a reflection of the people we spend the most time with. Choose with care.
  - Try Something New: New neural pathways open when we are in “beginners mind.” Get out and do something new to open up your system to change from the inside out.
  - Research Ceremony/Ritual in your Area: If you aren’t familiar with types of ceremonies or rituals in your area, look up ones that you could try within your home. Ceremony has so much power in community, but we also get to create that power in 1:1 ceremony with ourselves and spirit, ourselves and nature, ourselves and tea/food. Some ceremony ideas: Learn about cacao ceremony, sound healing ceremony, plant medicine ceremonies, a candle ceremony, or make an altar (My favorite! Maybe even place a few inner child photos of you, or people in your life you want to honor — both past and present — on your altar) — make art a ceremony, cooking a ceremony, or gardening a ceremony.

IN CONCLUSION

I vow to serve in integrity. In order for me to move from a traditional Marriage and Family therapist, to a guide who has a deep remembering that we are meant to serve in deeper alignment with the planet, I must ask the hard questions. I must do my own healing work. I must be willing to evolve and change my approach as I release more of the layers of my conditioning.

Therefore, I’m stepping deeper into right service for my true essence each day and I promise to never stop exploring my true expression to serve from the highest place, with discernment, for the highest good of all.

Feeling blessed to do this work — to be an avenue and a guide for profound relational healing. Our work together is more than just talk — it’s limbic system revision. It’s coming into resonance and regulation with your true essence.

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